


The Totally Secret Overwatch Communication Channel

by Grimlockprime222



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Gen, Group chat, M/M, Memes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory, little to no plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-04-28 03:32:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 8,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14440536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grimlockprime222/pseuds/Grimlockprime222
Summary: it's a group chat fic, do I really need to say anything else?





	1. Chapter 1

**Winston created a new chat room**

 

**Winston changed the chat room name to [Overwatch emergency chat room]**

 

**Winston added, Fareeha, Angela, Lena, Hana, Jesse, Genji, Hanzo, Bastion, Lucio, Orisa, Mei, Zenyatta, Brigitte, Reinhardt, and Torbjörn to the chatroom**

 

 **Winston:** Hello everyone, this chat is to be used for emergencies only

 

 **Genji:** monkey no remember what happened last time

 

 **Lena:**  so it seems

 

**Lena changed their name to “Tracer”**

 

 **Winston:** I am not a monkey

 

 **Jesse:** hate to be the bearer of bad news…

 **Jesse:** But you need to look in a mirror

 

 **Winston:** Unbelievable…

 

**Jesse changed their name to “McCree”**

 

 **Reinhardt:** The chatroom is back?

 **Reinhardt:** I LOVE THE CHAT ROOM

 

**Reinhardt sent a photo**

****

 

 **Winston:** god dammit why do I even try

 

 **Hana:** We have a chat room?

 **Hana:** wait…

 

**Hana changed their name to “D.Va”**

 

 **D.Va:** that’s better

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

**Reinhardt sent a photo**

****

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

****

 

 **Brigitte:**  I LOVE GRUMPY CAT

 

 **Winston:** THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A PROFESSIONAL CHATROOM!!!!

 

**Reinhardt sent a photo**

****

 

 **Tracer:** Winston luv, you really need to learn from your mistakes

 

 **Lucio:** At least he is trying

 

 **Bastion:** (^̮^)

 

 **Lucio:** even bastion agrees

 

 **D.Va:** I’m loving the memes

 

 **McCree:** Torbjörn only speaks in memes

 

 **D.Va:** Really _@Torbjörn_

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

****

 

 **Reinhardt:** you already used that meme so you lose

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

**D.Va:** This is going to be lots of fun

 

 **Winston:** I regret ever leaving the moon….

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

****

 

 **Winston:** don’t give me any ideas

 

 **Angela:** as your doctor, I highly recommend that you do not go back to the moon

 

**Angela changed their name to “Mercy”**

 

 **Winston:** Athena agrees with you doc

 

 **Mercy:** and she is right too do so

 **Mercy:** for all we know the other horizon subjects may have become unstable and will try and kill you

 

 **Genji:** wouldn’t be the first time a brother has tried to kill another

 **Genji:** _@Hanzo_

 

 **McCree** : OHHHHHHHHHH

 

 **Hanzo:** I thought you said you forgave me?

 

 **Genji:** I did forgive you

 **Genji:** but that doesn’t mean I am going to let you off easy

 

 **Hanzo:** for fuck sakes…

 

 **Tracer:** I’m hitting up the pub tonight anyone down?

 

 **McCree:** Fuck yeah

 

 **Reinhardt:** COUNT ME IN

 

 **Lucio:** I’m down

 

 **Genji:** I’ll come

 

 **McCree:** you are a robot, you can’t drink

 

 **Genji:** Genji is a cyborg

 

 **Mercy:** you still can’t drink

 

 **Genji:** fuck…

 

 **Fareeha** : I’ll go just so I can challenge Reinhardt to a drinking contest!

 

 **Reinhardt:** YOUR ON

 

**Fareeha changed their name to “Pharah”**

 

 **Brigitte:** I want in on this contest

 

 **Tracer:** _@D.Va_

 **Tracer:** you coming luv?

 

 **D.Va:** I actually have plans tonight

 

 **Lucio:** with your girlfriend

 

 **D.Va:** yes

 

 **Tracer:** oh for god sake love

 **Tracer:** if you  don’t want to go that's fine

 **Tracer:** you don’t need to use your imaginary girlfriend as an excuse

 

 **D.Va:** HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU SHE ISN’T IMAGINARY

 

 **Tracer:** well if she isn’t imaginary can I meet her?

 

 **D.Va:**  no….

 

 **Tracer:** well there you go

 **Tracer:** I won’t believe you until I meet her

 

 **Lucio:** leave her alone Lena

 **Lucio:** It’s not her fault she is too kind to reject an offer

 **Lucio:** that’s why she uses her imaginary girlfriend as an excuse

 

 **Genji** : It’s okay Hana

 **Genji:** I have an imaginary girlfriend too

 

 **D.Va:** YOU WANT TO FUCKING MEET HER

 **D.Va:** NEWS FLASH, YOU ALREADY KNOW HER

 **D.Va:** IN FACT, I’LL ADD HER TO THE CHAT RIGHT NOW!!

 

**D.Va added Sombra to the chatroom**

 

 **Sombra:** Hola, I’ve been informed you fucks are picking on my conejita again

 

 **Lucio:** ….

 

 **Tracer:** ….

 

 **Genji:** ….

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Lucio:** THATS YOUR GIRLFRIEND

 

 **Tracer:** she is a terrorist luv

 

 **Genji:** you can’t be serious

 

 **Sombra:** rude

 **Sombra** : Bastion is nicer than you bunch

 

 **Tracer:** You knew about this _@Bastion_

 

 **Bastion:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **Sombra:** hey big guy

 

 **Bastion:** (^̮^)

 

 **Winston:** Hana this is supposed to be a secure overwatch communication channel

 

 **D.Va:** I know

 

 **Winston:** oh do you?

 **Winston:** I wasn’t sure since you just added a TALON AGENT to the chat

 

 **D.Va** : oh please she is harmless

 

 **Sombra:** the hand shaped bruise on your ass says otherwise

 

 **Bastion:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **D.Va:** MOVING ON

 

 **Mercy:** is that why you have been flinching everytime you sit down?

 

 **D.Va:** I SAID WE’RE MOVING ON

 

 **Sombra:** don’t worry doc

 **Sombra:** I’m an expert in aftercare

 

 **Mercy:** I’ll take your word for it

 

 **Tracer:** How long has this been going on for?

 

 **Sombra:** the relationship or the spanking?

 

 **D.Va:** SOMBRA

 

 **Tracer:** Relationship

 

 **Sombra:** it’s been about 5 and a half months

 

 **Tracer:** ….

 

 **D.Va:** soooo...

 **D.Va:** still think she is imaginary?

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

**Reinhardt sent a photo**

****

 

 **Tracer:** I can’t believe this is happening right now

 

 **McCree:** can we backpedal a bit and talk about what Genji said

 **McCree:** Genji: It’s okay Hana

 **McCree:** Genji: I have an imaginary girlfriend too

 

 **Genji:** Wait that wasn’t a private message?!?

 

 **Hana** : I bet his imaginary girlfriend is blond

 

 **Sombra:** about 37 years old

 

 **Hana** : with blue eyes

 

 **Sombra** : and swiss

 

 **Pharah** : why did you just describe Angela

 

 **Sombra:** because of all the Mercy X Genji fanfiction he writes

 

 **Mercy:** ….

 

 **Genji:** …..

 **Genji:** i don’t know what she is talking about

 

 **Sombra:** “Angela,” I say as the rain runs down my iron body, “you may have rebuilt my body, but I still require healing, I require you to make me whole again.”

 

 **Genji** : oh god

 

 **Sombra:** the beautiful doctor peers out from under the umbrella she holds. With a sad smile she says “I know Genji, but I am afraid that I could never love you the way you do me.”

 

 **D.Va:** I LOVE THIS ONE

 **D.Va:** KEEP GOING

 

 **Sombra** : “Why?” I ask, the rain has slowed but now it gives the illusion of crying

 

 **Genji:** please stop

 

 **Tracer:** DO NOT STOP

 

 **McCree:** i will give you $20 if you keep going

 **Sombra:** she looks at me with sad eyes as she says “It would be wrong for a doctor to begin a relationship with their patient.”

 **Sombra:** “Please Angela” I pled as I take her hand into mine, “Nobody has to know.”

 **Sombra:** “are you suggesting a secret relationship?” Angela asks softly

 

 **Genji:** STOP

 

 **Sombra:** “For you my angel, I would do anything” I say softly

 

 **Genji:** _@Hanzo_ please kill me again

 

 **Hanzo:** absolutely not

 

 **Sombra:** Angela smiles at me and pulls me under the umbrella, “No one must know of us, now let’s get out of the rain before i catch a cold and you rust.”

 **Sombra:** “Understood” I say and as we walk off together, I have never felt more whole.

 

 **Mercy** : ….

 

 **Lucio** : GENJI JUST GOT FUCKING EXPOSED

 

 **Mercy:** Genji i’m a lesbian….

 

 **McCree:** GENJI JUST GOT FUCKING DENIED

 

 **Genji:** I…

 **Genji:** I understand…

 

 **Mercy:** i would also appreciate it if you stop writing fanfiction of us

 **Mercy:** and delete what you have written

 

 **Genji:** Understood

 

 **Pharah** : so you are a lesbian

 

 **Mercy:** yes…

 

 **D.Va:** EXPOSE FAREEHA NEXT

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

****

 

 **Sombra:** I waited for her. It was pathetic, really, but I can’t help it. If I could spend more time with her, I will.

 

 **Pharah** : what?

 

 **D.Va** : YES! DO IT.

 

 **Tracer:** Oh this is sooo good.

 

 **Sombra:** Her lips. Her eyes. Her smile. It made me feel warm. Oh, so warm.

 

 **Tracer:** Spicy, ooooo

 

 **Pharah:** uh….

 

 **Sombra:** I just want her to touch me. Oh, goodness. I’m so dirty.

 

 **Mercy** : …

 

 **Tracer** : YES FAREEHA YES

 

 **Sombra:** It’s so wrong but it feels so right. Two girls in love? What would people think? What will people think of the age gap?

 

 **D.Va** : I ship it so much. Continue babe, finish what Fareeha has written.

 

 **Mercy** : um….

 

 **Tracer:** This is so hot.

 

 **Sombra:** It doesn’t matter what people think. I love her. I love her soft brown hair and her competitive gaze, complimented with her dark brown eyes.

 

 **Pharah** : That’s not how it goes

 **Pharah:**  it goes like this

 **Pharah:**  It doesn’t matter what people think. I love her. I love her light blond hair and her strong gaze, complimented with her baby blue eyes

 

 **Sombra:** I know, I was just changing the words to fit my love of Hana

 

 **D.Va:** awww

 

 **Sombra:** and when you corrected me it confirms that it was your story

 

 **Pharah** : oh shit

 

 **Mercy:** fareeha…

 

 **Pharah:** I can explain

 

 **Mercy:** please come to my room

 **Mercy:** we need to talk

 

 **Tracer:**  They’re gonna FUCK

 

 **Reinhardt:** Angela’s room is next to mine…

 **Reinhardt:** I will let you know if I hear anything

 

 **Winston:** this chat is unbelievable

 

 **Genji:** wait a minute 

**Genji:** did my fanfiction get exposed leading to my rejection

 **Genji:** and Fareeha’s lead to her getting into Angela’s pants

 

 **McCree:** sounds about right

 

 **Genji** : FUCK


	3. Chapter 3

**Tracer:** well since Hana actually does have a girlfriend do you both want to go to the pub

 

**Sombra:** No offense chica but we’re going to have to decline

**Sombra:** it’s movie night and I plan to cuddle Hana and enjoy the movie

**Sombra:** plus I am technically the enemy and don’t want to walk into a trap 

 

**Tracer:** Fair enough

**Tracer:** maybe some other time

 

**Sombra:**  then again  _ @McCree  _ owes me $20

 

**McCree:** that is true

 

**Reinhardt:** how about we go early so they can leave early?

**Reinhardt:** that way we can all hang out and they can still have movie night

 

**Brigitte:** they’re fucking aren’t they

 

**Reinhardt:** Yes they are and I want to get out of here…

**Reinhardt:** like now…

 

**Sombra:** I have 2 conditions

**Sombra:** 1\. No traps

**Sombra:** 2\. Someone hold Genji back because he will probably try to take my head off

 

**Tracer:** those seem like fair conditions

 

**Sombra:** actually I have a third

**Sombra:** bring all your money

 

**Tracer:** why?

 

**Sombra:** because Genji just deleted all his fanfiction

**Sombra:** However, I have all 50MB copied to this flash drive~~

**Sombra:** starting bid is $50

 

**Tracer:** 50 MEGABYTES?!?!?

 

**McCree:** HOW DO YOU HAVE SO MUCH FREE TIME  _ @Genji _

 

**Lucio:** Let’s GO I have to make a stop at the bank

**Genji:** _ @Hanzo  _ please tell me you still have access to the family fortune

 

**Hanzo:** even if I did I wouldn’t let you use it

 

**Genji:** fuc....

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

**Reinhardt sent a photo**

****

  
  


**Reinhardt:** dammit…

**Reinhardt:** he beat me to it…

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

**Reinhardt sent a photo**

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

****

**Reinhardt sent a photo**

**Tracer:** oh bollocks, here we go again…

 

**D.Va:** I love this chat

 

**Sombra:** it is pretty entertaining

 

**Winston:** Overwatch was a mistake...


	4. Chapter 4

**Tracer:** where you at Sombra?

**Tracer:** we’re getting impatient

 

**D.Va:** cut her some slack Lena

**D.Va:** she’ll be here

 

**Somba:** we were just making sure it wasn’t a trap

 

**Tracer:** okay fine just hurry up

**Tracer:** Lucio is still at the bank…

**Tracer:** and I’m pretty sure Genji went to rob a bank….

**Tracer** so now might be my only chance to win...

 

**Winston:** I swear to god Genji better not be robbing a bank… 

 

**Genji:** SHUT UP MONKEY, IT’S NOT YOUR DIGNITY ON THE LINE

 

**Winston:** why do I even try…

 

**McCree:** Hey Lena

 

**Tracer:** Yeah?

 

**McCREE:** 50MB is a lot…  why don’t we pull together to win and share the files?

 

**Tracer:** Sounds fair, at least it gives us a better chance

 

**Sombra:** I like how she still hasn’t noticed what I said...

 

**D.Va** : she can be kinda slow sometimes

**D.Va** : hell, they all are...

**D.Va:** just wait for it

 

**Tracer:** WAIT A SECOND

**Tracer:** WE?

 

**Sombra:** LOL

 

**Tracer:** WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS SHE DOING HERE?

 

**Sombra:** ask her yourself

**Sombra added Widowmaker to the chatroom**

 

**Tracer:** WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?  _ @widowmaker _

 

**Widowmaker:** well I was going to open up a tab and pay for everyone but after that welcome, I’m not sure I want to

 

**McCree:** she can stay

 

**Reinhardt:** she is more than welcome here

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

****

 

**Tracer:** well when you put it that way I suppose I have no problem with you here

 

**Widowmaker:** merci

 

**D.Va:** Hello Mama~~

 

**Widowmaker:** hey baby girl~~

 

**Tracer:** what…

**Tracer:** I thought you were dating Sombra

 

**Sombra:** I’m Hana's girlfriend

 

**Widowmaker:** I’m her sugar mama

 

**Lucio:** dam, Hana is really getting some

 

**Bastion:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Widowmaker:** hello  grand garçon

 

**Tracer:** YOU KNEW ABOUT WIDOW TOO?

 

**Bastion:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**Widowmaker:** did you enjoy your all expense paid trip to  Lapa Rios?

 

**Bastion:** (^̮^)

 

**Tracer:** wait is that why bastion took a vacation last week?

 

**Lucio:** you went to  Lapa Rios without ME!?!

 

**Bastion:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**Widowmaker:** Bastion earned his trip 

 

**Lucio:** how?!

 

**Widowmaker:** let's just say bastion knows how to treat a lady~

 

**Bastion:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Lucio:** TMI

 

**Genji:** wait a second is a bastion unit getting more pussy than me?

 

**Widowmaker:** unlike you bastion is a gentleman

 

**Genji** : and how do you know I'm not?!

 

**Widowmaker:** I read your fanfiction… 

**Widowmaker:** you are far from a gentleman…

 

**D.Va:** REKT

 

**Tracer:** BURN

 

**McCree:** OOOOHHHHHHHH

 

**Lucio:** I may not be a medical genius like Angela but I think you should apply ice to the burn

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

****

 

**Hanzo:** and it wasn’t even me who killed him this time…


	5. Chapter 5

**Sombra:** alright, you people ready to start the bidding 

 

**Genji:** NO   
  


**Sombra:** shut up Genji

**Sombra:** no one cares about you

 

**McCree:** yeah we’re ready

 

**Tracer:** starting bid is still 50 right luv?

 

**Sombra:** yep! 

**Sombra:** please only increase by intervals of 5$

**Sombra:** so you can do 5, 10, 15, 20, etc.

**Sombra:** start firing away!

 

**Tracer:** 50 from me and McCree

 

**Genji:** 55

 

**Reinhardt:** 60 from the meme bros

 

**Lucio:** 65

 

**Tracer:** 75

 

**Reinhardt** : 80

 

**Widowmaker:** 200

 

**Sombra:** amiga you already have a copy of Genji's fanfiction…

 

**Widowmaker:** I know, I just wanted to raise the bid 

**Widowmaker:** in my opinion, the fanfiction isn’t even that good and probably is only worth 200

**Widowmaker:** however the blackmail potential probably triples the value…

 

**Sombra:** fair enough

**Sombra:** going once

**Sombra:** going twice

 

**Lucio:** fuck it, 250

 

**Tracer:** 300

 

**Lucio:** 325

 

**Reinhardt:** 350

 

**Genji:** 400

 

**Tracer:** where the fuck you get 400 from Genji? 

 

**Genji:** I’m using Hanzo's card

 

**Hanzo:** what?

 

**Lucio:** 420 blaze it

 

**Reinhardt:** 450

 

**Tracer** : 500

 

**Reinhardt:** Torb and I gonna have to step down

 

**Sombra:** going once

 

**Lucio:** Lena, if you win, will you at least share the juicy bits?

 

**Sombra:** going twice

 

**Genji:** 650

 

**Tracer:** balloks… 

 

**Genji:** Hanzo may kill me again

**Genji:** but at least I will have my dignity left

 

**Sombra:** going once

**Sombra:** going twice

 

**Lucio:** 750 from me, Lena, and McCree

 

**Genji:** FUCK

**Genji:** 800

**Lena:** 900

 

**Genji:** 950

 

**Lena:** 1000

 

**Genji: …**

 

**Sombra:** going once

**Sombra:** going twice

**Sombra:** SOLD

 

**Tracer:** HAHA YES

 

**McCree:** FUCK YOU YA DAM CYBORG, YEEHAW!

 

**Lucio:** fuck yeah

 

**Genji:** please kill me @ _ Hanzo _

 

**Hanzo:** whatever you have brought upon yourself is your own doing…

**Hanzo:** I will not give you the mercy of death…

 

**Brigitte:** don’t suppose I could have a look at some of those files @ _ Tracer _

 

**Tracer:** i don’t see why not luv

 

**Sombra:** it isn’t all just genji/mercy so you know

 

**McCree:** any suggestions on where to start? 

 

**Sombra:** well it depends on the mood but the Torbjörn X his turret was pretty entertaining

 

**Genji:** I MADE THAT WHEN I WAS DRUNK

 

**McCree:** Didn’t Angela say you can’t drink?

 

**Genji: ...**

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

****


	6. Chapter 6

**Mercy:** well this is a cluster fuck

 

 **D.Va:** OMG THE DOCTOR CURSED

 **D.Va:** O_O

 

 **Tracer:** O_O

 

 **Lucio:** O_O

 

 **Sombra:** O_O

 

 **Brigitte:** O_O

 

 **Mercy:** shut up

 **Mercy:** I’m trying to decide if I want to come help Genji

 

 **Genji:** as our medic, you kinda have to _@Mercy_

 

 **Winston:** I give you full permission to not help him if you don't want to _@Mercy_

 

 **Mercy:** KEEP RUNNING GENJI

 

 **Genji:** FUCK

 

 **Zenyatta:** Pain is an excellent teacher _@Genji_

 

 **D.Va:** REKT

 

 **Mercy:** you seem calm for there being 2 talon agents in this chat _@Winston_

 

 **Winston:** I've given up at this point

 

 **Tracer:** does that mean I can add Emily to the chat?

 

 **Winston:** if you really want to expose her to this I guess you can

 

 **Tracer:** YES!

 

**Tracer added Emily to the chatroom**

 

 **Tracer:** HEY _@Emily_

 **Tracer:** Welcome to the overwatch chat room

 

 **Winston:** communication channel

 

 **Tracer:** chatroom

 

 **D.Va:** chatroom

 

 **Lucio:** chatroom

 

 **Sombra:** it's a chatroom

 

 **Emily:** um okay wasn’t Sombra talon?

 

 **Sombra:** technically

 

 **Widowmaker:** same

 

 **Emily:** wait weren’t you the one who killed Mondotta _@Widowmaker_

 

 **Widowmaker:** One of my finer kills

 **Widowmaker:** even with the challenge of _@Tracer_ running up on my ass

 

 **Tracer:** I WAS NOT RUNNING UP ON YOUR ASS

 

 **Emily:** babe it's okay, I’ve seen her ass, I don’t blame you

 

 **Tracer:** I DIDN’T RUN UP ON HER ASS

 

 **Widowmaker:** what do you call that incident at the museum?

 

 **Tracer:** I WAS SNEAKING UP ON YOU

 **Tracer:** ELEMENT OF SURPRISE

 

 **Widowmaker:** Is that so?

 **Widowmaker:** then next time maybe shoot me instead of announcing your presence

 **Widowmaker:** I do believe you said: “What ya look at?”   

 

 **D.Va:** Please don't shoot my mommy

 

 **Emily:** W H A T

 

 **Widowmaker:** <3

 **Widowmaker:** thank you petit lapin but it is technically her job to shoot me

 

 **Emily:** W H A T

 

 **Tracer:** It’s a long story

 

 **Emily:** START TELLING IT THEN

 

 **Tracer:** well the chat started fairly normal

 

 **Winston:** You called that normal?

 

 **Tracer:** and I had decided to invite everyone to the pub

 **Tracer:** _@D.Va_ had declined because she had plans with her girlfriend

 

 **Emily:** is this the fake girlfriend she always uses as an excuse

 

 **Tracer:** yes but it turns out it wasn’t an excuse

 **Tracer:** Hana snapped and revealed @Sombra to be her girlfriend

 **Tracer:** she revealed that both _@Genji_ and _@Pharha_ write fanfiction about _@Mercy_

 **Tracer:** which lead to _@Genji_ ‘s rejection and _@Pharha_ in bed with the doctor

 **Tracer:** so then we invited Sombra to the pub with us

 **Tracer:** and we went early so they could still do what they had planned

 **Tracer:** also _@Rienhardt_ wanted to leave early

 **Tracer:** mostly because of _@Mercy_ and _@Pharha_  fucking in the room next to his

 

 **Mercy:** Sorry _@Reinhardt_

 

 **Reinhardt:** No need to apologize for love!

 

 **Tracer:** so yeah we went to the pub early

 **Tracer:** _@Sombra_ brought 50MB of fanfiction to auction off

 **Tracer:** she also brought _@Widowmaker_

 **Tracer:** who was revealed to be _@D.Va_ ’s sugar mommy

 **Tracer:** and she opened a tab and is paying for all of our drinks

 **Tracer:** then after a while, I added you _@Emily_

 **Tracer:** did I miss anything?

 

 **Lucio:** Torb is trying to kill Genji

 

 **Emily:** this chat is a cluster fuck

 **Emily:** I love it


	7. Chapter 7

**Winston:** I should probably mention that any damage you do to Genji your going to have to fix  _ @Torbjörn _

  
  


**Torbjörn sent a photo**

****

 

**Lucio:** RIP Genji

 

**D.Va:** press F to pay respects 

 

**Reinhardt:** F

 

**Tracer:** F

 

**McCree** : F

 

**Sombra:** F

 

**Emily:** F

 

**Brigitte:** F

 

**Angela:** ok that's enough I'm sure Genji isn’t actually dead

**Angela:** _ @Genji _

 

**Genji:** I’m not dead

**Genji:** kinda wish i was tho

 

**Angela:** see he's fine

 

**Widowmaker:** he sounds like Gabe

 

**Sombra:** Si

 

**McCree:** HOLD ON ONE MCFUCKIN SECOND

**McCree:** GABE?

**McCree:** AS IN GABRIEL REYES?

 

**Sombra:** Si

 

**McCree:** HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD

 

**Sombra:** He tried death once….

**Sombra:** Didn’t stick…

 

**Reinhardt:** I refuse to believe you

**Reinhardt:** I was at that man's funeral

 

**Sombra:** ….

 

**Sombra added Gabriel to the chatroom**

 

**Sombra:** HEY GABE

 

**Gabriel:** STOP CALLING ME THAT

**Gabriel: ….**

 

**Gabriel changed their name to “Reaper”**

 

**Reaper:** WHAT DO YOU WANT SOMBRA

 

**Sombra:** oh me? nothing…

 

**McCree:** YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD

 

**Pharha:** Uncle Gabe?!?!

 

**Reinhardt:** REYES?!

 

**Reaper:** ….

**Reaper:** shit….

 

**McCree:** YOU BEST EXPLAIN YOURSELF

 

**Reaper:** you know that's not how I operate 

 

**Genji:** no you redirect the blame!

 

**Reaper:** how has no one killed you yet  _ @Genji _

 

**McCree:** DON'T CHANGE THE CONVERSATION

 

**Genji:** rude

 

**Reaper:** ….

**Reaper:** if I have to deal with this shit…

**Reaper:** SO DO YOU TWO!

 

**Reaper added Jack to the chatroom**

 

**Reaper added Ana to the chatroom**

 

**McCree:** MCFUCKIN WHAT?!?!?!

 

**Pharah:** MOTHER?!?!

 

**Winston:** fuck this shit

**Winston:** I'm going back to the moon


	8. Chapter 8

**Mercy:** YOU WILL NOT GO BACK TO THE MOON  _ @Winston _

 

**Jack:** What have you done Reyes…

 

**Pharah:** Jack Fucking Morrison is my mother alive?!?

 

**Jack:** technically yeah more or less 

**Jack:** but she’s sleeping so leave her alone it’s fucking 3 am where we are

 

**Pharah:** YOU’RE TOGETHER

 

**Jack:** yes

 

**Pharah:** OMFG

 

**Jack:** WAIT NO

**Jack:** NOT LIKE THAT

 

**Reaper:** careful, you might dig yourself another grave

 

**Jack:** SHUT IT EDGELORD

 

**D.Va:** That's what I call him

 

**Widowmaker:** ditto

 

**Sombra:** I mean who doesn't at this point

 

**Reaper:** honestly I think I prefer Gabe

 

**Sombra:** Alright Gabe

**Sombra:** also Hana’s coming to movie night 

 

**Reaper:** when doesn’t she at this point….

**Reaper:** you prefer the cheesy popcorn right  _ @D.Va  _

 

**D.Va:** yep

 

**Reaper:** just wanted to make sure

 

**D.Va:** just make sure Moria doesn’t burn it again

 

**Reaper:** No promises

 

**Mercy:** we’ll come back to the fact that Hana has movie nights with talon later

**Mercy:** right now can we talk about how THE FUCK YOU 3 ARE ALIVE

 

**McCree:** agreed

 

**Genji:** I’m only alive because of mercy after what  _ @Hanzo _ did to me

**Genji:** and I am more machine than man what’s your excuse?

 

**Hanzo:** I’m letting this slide for now because I’m curious how no one in overwatch stays dead

 

**Reaper:** well for myself moria had done something to me you know of this  _ @Genji @McCree _

**Reaper:** but since most of Moria's tech was stolen from  _ @mercy  _ I was resurrected

**Reaper:** Moria’s hypothesis is that I somehow was able to rez myself 

**Reaper:** it just didn’t work as well if @mercy did it

 

**Mercy:** …

**Mercy:** I actually believe it was I who resurrected you….

 

**Reaper:** what…

 

**Mercy:** I was the one who found you after the bombing at The Swiss headquarters

**Mercy:** I had already lost so much that day and I couldn’t lose a close friend like you

**Mercy:** I tried to resurrect you but with no results, I assumed I was too late

**Mercy:** My hypothesis is that whatever moria pumped into you combined with my resurrect 

**Mercy:** it would have been a slow process so you didn’t awaken till after we buried you

 

**Reaper:** seems logical

**Reaper:** though I’d hardly call this living

 

**Winston:** while I do find that fascinating

**Winston:** it doesn’t explain why you joined talon to seek revenge on overwatch tho

 

**Jack:** I’d like to know more about you hated of overwatch as well

**Jack:** especially since you were the one who bombed the swiss base

 

**Mercy:** WHAT

 

**Reaper:** way to throw me under the bus 76

 

**Tracer:** wait, 76 as in SOLDIER 76, the vigilante?

 

**Winston:** that does explain quite a bit 

 

**Mercy:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN GABE BOMBED THE SWISS HQ

 

**Jack:** it’s a long story

 

**Winston:** well why don’t you and Ana tell it to us over tea and coffee

 

**Jack:** you’d have to find us first

 

**Winston:** _ @sombra _ can I ask a favor 

 

**Sombra:** sending their location now

  
**Jack:** FUCK


	9. Chapter 9

**Tracer:** well that was an interesting night

 

 **Widowmaker:** probably would have been better if I followed you home

 

**Tracer:** I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND

 

**Emily:** I wouldn’t have minded 

 

**Widowmaker:** she could have joined

**Widowmaker:** I’m surprisingly good at sharing

 

**Tracer:** KNOCK IT OFF

**Tracer:** IM TOO GAY AND HUNGOVER FOR THIS SHIT

 

**Sombra:** sounds like a personal problem

 

**Reinhardt:** it is, she’s never been able to hold her alcohol

 

**Tracer:** OI, leave me alone

**Tracer:** go pick on Ana, Jack, or Gabe for playing dead for the last couple years

 

**Reaper:** STOP CALLING ME THAT

 

**Reinhardt:** I would pick on them but Winston Angela and Fareeha are already lecturing them 

**Reinhardt:** I’ll wait my turn

**Reinhardt:** and I think I’ll let Gabe off with a pass 

 

**Reaper:** why do I even bother…

 

**D.Va:** because you're an edge load

 

**Reinhardt:** at least for playing dead

**Reinhardt:** blowing up the Swiss HQ however…

 

**Reaper:** would you believe me if I told you it was blackmail? 

 

**Genji:** no

 

**McCree:** we’d be foolish too

 

**Reinhardt:** depends

 

**Reaper:**  it’s complicated

**Reaper:** moria did something to me 

**Reaper:** If I went to anyone for help  _ @widowmaker  _ would be assigned to eliminate them

 

**Widowmaker:** this is back when talon where a bunch of assholes and I had no emotions

**Widowmaker:** I don’t have as many as I used to before talon but I have regained a few

 

**Reaper:** anyways if I went to anyone for help they got killed

**Reaper:** or I could plant their bomb and blow up the Swiss HQ

**Reaper:** they didn’t say anyone had to die so I made a calculated risk

**Reaper** I planted the bomb then set off the evacuation alarm,

**Reaper:** then waited a minute or so before starting the timer

**Reaper:** it was what I believed at the time to be the only solution 

**Reaper:** I didn’t account for remote detonation

 

**Sombra:** also the reason why Gabe hates overwatch is because of talon’s lies and manipulation

 

**Reinhardt:** I suppose that makes sense

**Reinhardt:** buy me a drink like old times and i’ll consider you forgiven

 

**Reaper:** I can work with that

 

**D.Va:** hey guys, this is kinda random, but has anyone seen my son

 

**Tracer:** IM SORRY WHAT   
**Tracer:** HANA YOU ARE 19 WHY DO YOU HAVE A KID

 

**D.Va:** He’s adopted

 

**Tracer:** THAT DOESN’T CHANGE ANYTHING

 

**Mei:** Hey everyone

**Mei:** I know I don’t talk much in this chat and I'm sorry

**Mei:** I just want everyone to know there is some kind of fluffy animal in my lab and I'm scared

 

**D.Va:** THAT’S MY BOY

**D.Va:** DONT HURT HIM 

**D.Va:** I’M COMING 

 

**Tracer;** oh i get it now

**Tracer:** fur baby 

 

**Winston:** pets are not allowed on base miss song

 

**Reaper:** this is coming from the monkey

 

**Sombra:** if pets aren’t allowed on base I better come and get Hana

 

**D.Va:** SOMBRA!!

 

**Winston:** can i PLEASE go back to the moon?

 

**Mercy:** no

 

**Mei:** Hey Hana what kind of animal is he

**Mei:** kinda looks like a giant hamster

 

**Winston:** I’m sorry could you repeat that? 


	10. Chapter 10

**D.Va:** FUCK OFF MONKEY

 

 **Winston:** GET BACK HERE WITH THAT HAMSTER

 

 **D.Va:** NOOOOOO

 

 **Mercy:** wtf is going on

 

 **Mei** : Idk, I was minding my own business when this fluffy thing crawled out of a vent in my lab

 **Mei:** I stayed calm for the most part and asked if anyone knew what it was

 **Mei:** Hana said it was her son so I left it alone until she came to get him

 **Mei:**  after getting a better look at him I asked what it was because it looked like a giant hamster

 **Mei:** then Winston just fucking snapped…

 

 **Mercy:** a giant hamster?

 **Mercy:** did you see if it had a hexagon on its head?

 

 **Mei:** now that you mention it yeah

 

 **Mercy:** oh boy….

 **Mercy:** that likely is specimen 8 from the horizon lunar colony

 

 **Genji:** I thought they only had monkeys up there?

 

 **Mercy:** there were a few smaller subjects including a hamster

 

 **Tracer:** So Hana is running around the base with a genetically engineered hamster

 **Tracer:** Being chased by a genetically engineered gorilla

 **Tracer:** both of which are from the moon

 

 **Sombra:** IF YOU DONT STOP CHASING HER IM GONNA COME DOWN THERE AND KICK YOUR ASS _@Winston_

 

 **Winston:** I’d like to see you try

 

 **D.Va:** oh no, ABANDON SHIP

 

 **WIdowmaker:** RUN PETIT LAPIN

 

 **Tracer:** FUCKIN HELL!

 **Tracer:** I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THE WATCHPOINT HAD A SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE

 

 **McCree:** DON’T YA THINK THIS IS A LITTLE EXTREME SOMBRA

 

 **Reaper:** I forgot that base had a self-destruct sequence

 **Reaper:** Surprised it still works

 

 **Jack:** You didn’t need a self-destruct sequence to blow up the Swiss HQ

 

 **Reaper:** FUCK YOU

 

 **Ana:** you would want to fuck him

 

 **Mercy:** NOW IS NOT THE TIME

 

 **Winston:** OKAY IM SORRY

 **Winston:** I STOPPED CHASING HER

 **Winston:** PLEASE TURN OFF THE SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE

 

 **Sombra:** ok fine

 

 **Genji:** oh thank god there was no way I was going to be able to save my anime collection

 

 **Hanzo:** unbelievable

 

 **Sombra:** you're as bad as moria @Genji

 

 **Mercy:** when it comes to anime perhaps

 **Mercy:** but I much rather be stuck in a room with him rather then moria

 

 **Sombra:** Fair

 

 **D.Va:** why you gotta be like that Winston

 

 **Winston:** If that hamster is who I think it is then he was one of my only friends up on the moon

 

 **D.Va:** YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO ALL PRIMAL RAGE AND CHASE ME

 

 **Winston:** I may have overreacted….

 **Winston:** can I please see the hamster

 

 **D.Va:** I don’t know if I trust you after that

 **D.Va:** I could add him to the chat but this is a  “secure overwatch communication channel”

 **Winston:** You got him a phone?

 

 **Widowmaker:** I did actually

 

 **Winston:** Whatever just add him to the chat

 

**D.Va added Hammond to the chatroom**

  
**Hammond:** >:3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would love feedback on this story even if its just a comment saying it was funny


	11. Chapter 11

**Winston:** How’d you get off the moon you little shit?

 

**D.Va:** BE NICE

 

 **Hammond:** built a little pod and attached a tow cable to your escape pod you big oaf 

**Hammond:** can’t believe you were going to leave me 

 

**Sombra:** Some friend you are

 

**Widowmaker:** shameful

 

**Winston:** if you attached a tow cable to my escape pod why didn’t you land here at Gibraltar with me?

 

**Hammond:** cable broke

 

**Winston:** where did you land?

 

**Hammond:** in Australia just outside of junker town

 

**McCree:** how are you still alive? 

 

**Genji:** from what I know about junkers they would have eaten you alive

 

**Hammond:** that's just a stereotype you cyborg bitch 

**Hammond:** they would have killed me and skinned me first 

**Hammond:** depending on the junker they may have even gone to the trouble to cook me

**Hammond:** then they would have made a hat or something out of my fur 

 

**Genji: …**

 

**Winston: …**

 

**McCree:** again how are you still alive

 

**Hammond:** I hid my identity and became the champion of their gladiatorial arena 

 

**Tracer:** isn’t that Mech Battles?

 

**Hammond:** yes

 

**Tracer:** where did you get a mech?

 

**Hammond:** I built one

 

**Hammond sent a picture**

 

**Tracer:** wow…

 

**Winston:** HOW DID YOU GET THAT THING ON BASE WITHOUT SOMEONE NOTICING

 

 **Hammond:** we came at night when everyone was asleep

 

**D.Va:** plus I know this place like the back of my hand at this point

 

**Winton:** THE CAMERAS WOULD HAVE STILL SEEN YOU

 

**Sombra:** Sorry not sorry

 

**Winston:** unbelievable 

 

**Widowmaker:** speaking of the mech battles 

**Widowmaker:** didn’t someone challenge you for the crown

 

**Hammond:** unfortunately

**Hammond:** could I use the talon jet again?

 

**Reaper:** No

 

**Widowmaker:** shut up Gabe

**Widowmaker:** of course you can mon petit hamster

 

**Hammond:** <3

 

**Widowmaker:** <3

 

**Genji:** please tell me the space hamster isn’t getting more than me 

 

**Sombra:** he is

 

**Genji:** SERIOUSLY WTF

**Genji:** YOU’LL FUCK A HAMSTER BUT NOT ME

 

**D.Va:** WE ARE NOT FUCKING THE HAMSTER

 

**Widowmaker:** but we do cuddle naked with him sometimes 

 

**Sombra:** which is more then you get

 

**D.Va:** he’s like a fuzzy chubby teddy bear

 

**Hammond:** >:3

 

**Genji:** _ @Hanzo  _ next time you try to kill me make sure you finish the job

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out this artwork and more on my Tumblr  
>  glp-art-blog.tumblr.com


	12. Chapter 12

**Genji:** why are their 2 half naked guys walking up to the watchpoint

 

**D.Va:** is one really big and fat the other tall and skinny with a peg leg?

 

**Genji:** um… 

**Genji:** yeah...

 

**D.Va:** oh no

**D.Va:** _ @Hammond _ RUN

 

**Hammond:** ???

**Hammond:** OH SHIT THEY FOUND ME

 

**Winston:** whats going on hammond who are they?

 

**Hammond:** Junkers…

 

**McCree:** are they after you? 

 

**Hammond:** kinda

 

**Tracer:** Don’t worry luv there’s only 2 of them

**Tracer:** we can take them if they’re out to get you

 

**Winston:** calm down and explain who they are hammond

 

**Hammond:** well the fat one’s name is mako.. He goes by roadhog usually…

 

**Genji:** explains the pig shaped gas mask…

 

**Hammond:** I mean I kinda like him he’s nice

**Hammond:** the other **…**

**Hammond:** the other one’s a fanboy....

 

**Tracer:** oh no….

 

**Lucio:** RUN 

 

**Hammond:** I PREFER TO ROLL BUT SAME THING

 

**Lucio:** ROLL THEN

 

**D.Va:** TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT 

 

**Jack:** wait a minute i know those guys

**Jack** They’ve been going around the world robbing tons of banks and shit

 

**Hammond:** they’re where trying to buy their way back into junkertown since the queen gave them the boot

**Hammond:** Jamison’s fault, the scrawny one

**Hammond:** but their plan kinda failed

**Hammond:** also Jamison’s fault

**Hammond:** i think they want me to put in a good word for them or something

 

**Widowmaker:** come hide at talon

 

**Sombra:** yes come to us, i miss my second favorite teddy bear

 

**Hammond:** -_-

 

**Sombra:** we both know you’ll never replace Arturito 

 

**Hammond:** i can try

 

**D.Va:** back to the problem at hand

**D.Va:** SOMEONE DISTRACT THEM WHILE ME AND HAMMOND SNEAK OUT THE BACK

 

**Winston:** i’ll deal with them

 

**Jack:** No I’ll do it

 

**Angela:** Your still in timeout

 

**Winston:** why don’t you trust me to do it jack?

 

**Reaper:** You’re a monkey and you might scare them

 

**Winston:** like he won’t….

 

**Jack:** shut up


	13. Chapter 13

**Jack added Junkrat and Roadhog to the chatroom**

 

**Jack:** everyone meet the new recruits

**Junkrat:**  GOOD DAY MATES

 

**Roadhog** : hi

 

**Hammond:** I changed my mind I’m joining talon

 

**Reaper:** FUCK YES WE FINALLY HAVE A TANK

 

**Sombra:** what about are heavy assault units? 

 

**Reaper:** they don’t count

 

**Winston:** Hammond no

**Winston:** and who do you think you are adding people to overwatch @Jack

 

**Jack:** to answer your question @Winston

**Jack:** I’m fucking Jack Morrison 

 

**Ana:** actually no

**Ana** : Gabriel Reyes is fucking Jack Morrison 

**Ana:** you can’t fuck yourself Jack

 

**Jack:** ANA

 

**Reaper:** ANA

 

**D.Va:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

**Sombra:** OMFG IM DEAD

 

**Tracer:** ANA HAS BEEN FORGIVEN IN MY BOOK

 

**Reinhardt:** SAME

 

**Pharha:** I wish i could forgive her that easy…

 

**Ana:** I’ll make your favorite for dinner tonight

**Pharha:** FORGIVEN  

 

**Ana:** we do have a lot to talk about though, perhaps you’d like to help me cook?

 

**Pharha:** It would be an honor

 

**Mercy:** Better go shopping then

**Mercy:** someone raided the kitchen and we have no food left

 

**Sombra:** It was McCree and Genji

 

**McCree:** YOU CAN'T PROVE IT

 

**Genji:** McCree…

**Genji:** we didn’t erase the camera footage….

 

**McCree:** shit…

 

**Sombra:** even if you did im the worlds greatest hacker

 

**Mercy:** WHAT DID YOU DO WITH ALL THAT FOOD

 

**McCree:** WE ATE IT

 

**Sombra** : oh is that so?

 

**Genji** :....

 

**McCree:** ...

 

**Genji:** we were both getting late night snacks and it evolved into a food fight

 

**McCree:** we did clean up tho

 

**Genji:** and we both agreed to pay for new grocerys

 

**McCree;** wait no we didn’t

 

**Genji:** SHUT UP MCCREE I'M TRYING TO NOT GET US KILLED

 

**Mercy** I would send you both to go shopping now but that would be a mistake

**Mercy:** hand over your wallets so i can take ana and pharah shopping 

**Mercy:** OR ELSE

 

**Genji:** Yes ma’am

 

**McCree:** right away ma’am

 

**Mercy:** Good

  
**Reaper:** to think i use to work with them….


	14. Chapter 14

**Emily:** well then it seems a lot has happened since I was last on the chat

 

**Tracer:** you have no idea

 

**Emily:**  oh no I have a general idea

**Emily:** 2 junkers joined the team

**Emily:** Hana has an adopted son 

**Emily:** Jack Ana and Gabe are alive

**Emily:** and Genji's love life is pathetic

 

**Tracer:** XD

 

**Lucio:** OMFG

 

**McCree:** hahahahaha

 

**Genji:** wow....

**Genji:** well okay then…

**Genji:** fuck me i guess

 

**Emily:** from my understanding nobody wants to

 

**Genji:** NOW YOU’RE JUST BEING MEAN

 

**Emily:** sorry not sorry

 

**Tracer:** my girlfriend just slaughtered Genji 

 

**Mercy:** so it would seem 

**Mercy:** if he needs healing its not coming from me 

 

**Junkrat:** HEY SO WHERE IS WRECKING BALL

 

**Tracer:** uh….

**Tracer:** he left 

 

**Lucio:** you just missed him

 

**Junkrat:** WILL HE BE BACK?

 

**Winston:** hopefully

**Junkrat:** WELL ILL WAIT IN THE HANGER FOR HIM TO COME BACK

 

**Roadhog:** sorry about him

**Roadhog:** he’s an idiot 

 

**Emily:** why do you put up with him

 

**Roadhog:** I don't know

 

**Junkrat:** HOLY FUCK IT’S A BASTION 

**Junkrat:** DON'T WORRY GUYS I’LL GET IT

 

**Hammond:** IF YOU LAY A FINGER ON THAT BASTION YOU WILL DIE

 

**Junkrat:** WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

 

**Hammond changed their name to “Wrecking Ball”**

  
**Wrecking Ball:** TAKE A GUESS BITCH 


	15. Chapter 15

 

**Junkrat:** WRECKING BALL?!?!

**Junkrat:** WHY WOULD YOU DEFEND A OMNIC!?!

**Junkrat:** AFTER EVERYTHING HIS KIND DID?!?

 

**Wrecking Ball:** should i kill you because of everything the Junkers have done?

**Wrecking Ball:** after everything HUMANS have done?

 

**Junkrat:** WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!

**Junkrat:** AND YOUR A JUNKER TOO!

 

**Wrecking Ball:** Negative

**Wrecking Ball:** I’m a hamster from the moon

**Wrecking Ball:**  And building a mech to fight in the scrapyard was the only way i could survive that waste land

 

**Junkrat:** WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOUR A HAMSTER!?!

 

**Wrecking Ball:** I MEAN I AM A FUCKING HAMSTER 

 

**Winston:** and i’m a gorilla 

 

**Roadhog:** I knew he was a hamster…

**Roadhog:** i had read about the horizon lunar colony and i saw his escape pod crash 

**Roadhog:** It was amazing seeing him build a mech and climb his way to the top in the arena 

 

**Wrecking Ball:** wait you knew and didn’t say anything

 

**Roadhog:** if you didn’t want it to be a secret you would have revealed yourself 

 

**Wrecking Ball:** see guys i told you Mako was nice

 

**Junkrat:** WAIT WHAT DID YOU TELL THEM ABOUT ME

 

**Wrecking Ball:** something along the lines of your a fucking idiot 

**Wrecking Ball:** but other then that not much

 

**Junkrat:** I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

 

**Wrecking Ball:** The bastion unit your threatening to turn to scrap is my friend

 

**Bastion:** :)

**Junkrat:** BUT HE’S AN OMNIC

 

**Wrecking Ball:** AND YOUR A SCRAWNY ASS HOLE

 

**Roadhog:** not to mention an idiot…

 

**Junkrat:** NOT YOU TOO

 

**Roadhog:** Just leave the bastion and any other omnics that might be on base alone or i’ll kill you myself

**Roadhog:** then again the omnic i just walked by could kill you themself

 

**Winston:** was it  _ @zenyatta  _ or _ @orisa _

 

**D.Va:** wait they are in the chat

 

**Zenyatta:** Indeed, i have been busy teaching Orisa how to text 

**Zenyatta:** and no i do not believe it was myself or Orisa as we have been alone in my quarters for at least an hour now

 

**Winston:** if it wasn’t zen or orisa then bastion?

 

**Roadhog:** it wasn’t a bastion unit it was a big omnic

**Roadhog:** it had a leather vest, a little hat, and it looked like it had a mustache

 

**McCree:** it wouldn’t have happened to be 7 feet tall with green eyes would it?

 

**Roadhog:** yeah

 

**McCree:** shit i think i know this omnic

  
**D.Va:** BOB!


	16. Chapter 16

**McCree:** HOW DO YOU KNOW BOB?

 

**D.Va:** I think the more important question is why is BOB here?

 

**Mercy:** What about WHO THE FUCK IS BOB?

 

**Wrecking Ball:** No one’s asking the real question here

**Wrecking Ball:** How is BOB?

 

**D.Va:** SHIT YOU RIGHT

 

**McCree:** HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW BOB?

 

**Bastion:** ?

 

**Wrecking Ball:** yea BOB is here somewhere 

 

**Bastion:** =D

 

**McCree:** HOW DOES BASTION KNOW BOB?

 

**Mercy:** WHO IS BOB?

 

**Winston:** I'm curious to know how he got on base without setting off the alarm

 

**D.Va:** he probably used my access codes

**D.Va:** or Bastions

 

**Bastion:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**Winston:** you’re not supposed to give anyone your access codes

 

**D.Va:** oh… um... 

**D.Va:** this is awkward

 

**Winston:** how many people have your access codes?

 

**Sombra:** *raises hand*

 

**Wrecking Ball:** *raises paw*

 

**Widowmaker: *** raises hand*

 

**Bastion:** :)

 

**Winston:** Bastion why do you have d.va’s access codes?

 

**Bastion:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Winston:** oh...

**Winston:** anyways

**Winston:** it's just you 5 and this BOB?

 

**D.Va:** actually no those are the only 5 that are in the chat there is at least another 6 outside the chat including BOB

 

**Winston:** ….

 

**D.Va:** I’m shutting up now 

 

**McCree:** NOT TILL YOU TELL ME HOW YOU KNOW BOB

 

**D.Va:** He’s Ashe’s butler 

**D.Va:** actually no he is Ashe’s partner

**D.Va:** he gave up the butler title a long time ago

 

**McCree:** HOW DO YOU KNOW ASHE

 

**Mercy:** WHO IS ASHE?

 

**D.Va:** she is widowmakers girlfriend

 

**Widowmaker:** we’re not dating

 

**D.Va:** okay she is widowmakers fuck buddy with a side of feelings

**D.Va:** and by extension my other sugar mama ;)


	17. Chapter 17

**Mercy:** Hana we seriously need to talk about your taste in women 

 

**D.Va:** what about it?

 

**Mercy:** I have a list

**Mercy:** 1: two of them are terrorists the other is the leader of the deadlock gang

**Mercy:** 2: your supposed to be fighting them not fucking them 

 

**Widowmaker:** actually we do the fucking

 

**Sombra:** Si

 

**Mercy:** 3: all of them are almost double your age 

 

**Widowmaker:** rude and incorrect

**Widowmaker:** Im only 13  years older than her

 

**Sombra:** 11

 

**D.Va:** Ashe is 20 years older than me so she is the only one double my age

 

**Tracer:** doesn't that just make her a MILF 

 

**D.Va:** yeah pretty much

 

**Mercy: …**

 

**Lucio:** love is love Angela

**Lucio:** even if it is with a bunch of older women 

 

**Mercy:** sometimes i’m not sure why i even bother

 

**D.Va:** besides i’m only dating Sombra

 

**Mercy:** i’m just saying why not go for someone thats not on the enemy team 

**Mercy:** or closer to your age perhaps

**Mercy:** like  _ @Brigitte _

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

 

**Mercy:** i’m just using her as an example

 

**D.Va:** HA! JOKES ON YOU!

**D.Va:** I ALREADY FUCKED BRIGITTE!

 

**Brigitte:** HANA!

 

**D.Va:** oh right sorry

**D.va:** BRIGITTE ALREADY FUCKED ME!

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

**Widowmaker:** I’ve fucked Brigitte

 

**Sombra:** I would say same but it was her who fucked me

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

  
  


**Brigitte:** Papa I can explain….

 

**D.Va:** NO TIME TO EXPLAIN LET’S GO FIND BOB

 

**McCree:** OH SHIT I FORGOT HE WAS HERE WITH EVERYTHING IN THE CHAT

  
**Mercy:** HANA GET BACK HERE WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME FOR SOME EXPLANATIONS 


	18. Chapter 18

**Mercy:** HANA!

 

**D.Va:** WHAT?

 

**Mercy:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT

**Mercy:** EXPLAIN

 

**D.Va:** EXPLAIN WHAT

 

**Bastion: !**

 

**Wrecking Ball:** Did you find BOB?

 

**BASTION:** :) 

 

**Wrecking Ball:** why is he here?

 

**Bastion:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

 

**Sombra:** Ashe sent him to get you, Hana, Brigitte, and Bastion

 

**Wrecking Ball:** Me?

 

**Sombra:** mostly just an invitation for you

 

**Wrecking Ball:** ok 

 

**Mercy:** WHY IS HE HERE TO TAKE AWAY A SMALL STRIKE TEAM?

 

**D.Va:** omg you right we would make a great strike team

 

**Brigitte:** i’d be the only support

 

**D.Va:** Bastion can heal himself

 

**Bastion:** :) 

 

**Brigitte:** ok fair

 

**D.Va:** but i must admit bird mom has a point 

 

**Mercy:** Bird mom?

 

**D.Va:** why is BOB here to get all of us

 

**Sombra:** Moira brought something up about your condition and we wanted all hands on deck

 

**Mercy:** WHAT CONDITION

 

**Sombra:** ask someone who knows

 

**Sombra added Moira to the chatroom**

 

**Sombra:** Do me favor and explain Hana’s condition 

**Sombra:** _ @Moira _

 

**Mercy:** WHAT DID YOU DO!?!?!

 

**Moira:** First of all it wasn’t my fault 

**Moira:** Miss Song walked into my lab in the middle of an experiment 

**Moira:** it was simply wrong place wrong time

 

**Mercy:** WHY DID YOU WALK INTO THIS PSYCHOPATHS LAB

 

**D.Va:** i thought it was the bathroom 

 

**Mercy:** ...

**Mercy:** what was your experiment

 

**Moria:** I was trying to give animal traits to humans

**Moria:** so far it has been unsuccessful except for the accident with miss song

 

**Sombra:** i wouldn’t say that

**Sombra:**  i mean you turned Akande into a fish

**Sombra:** that was pretty cool

 

**Reaper:** he destroyed half the base in a fit of rage 

 

**Sombra:** still

 

**Moira:** it was unsuccessful because I only wanted the traits

**Moira:** sure he could breathe underwater but he also looked like a fish

 

**Mercy:** So you somehow gave Hana animal traits

  
  
  


**Moira:** It’s kinda ironic that she walked in while i was working on Rabbit Traits

 

**Lucio:** that explains her inhuman jumps

 

**Tracer:** and her bottomless energy 

  
  


**Mercy: ….**

 

**Moira:** it could be worse she could still have rabbit ears and a fluffy tail

 

 **Sombra:** I thought the rabbit ears and fluffy tail were adorable

 

**Widowmaker:** they were

 

**Mercy: ….**

 

**Moira:** You're a smart girl Angela

**Moira:** have you figured out the last trait

 

**Mercy: ….**

**Mercy:** rabbits have obnoxious sex drives 

 

**D.Va:** :p

 

**Moira:** indeed but that is besides the point

**Moira:** the reason that i'm calling all hands on deck is simple

**Moira** i believe hana is going into a form of heat

**Moira:** and as much as you hate to admit it im right on this call to remove Hana from base 

**Moria:** because let's be honest neither of us know what kind of hormones she’ll release 

**Moria:** and i’m sure you don’t want to find out the effect it has on males 

 

**Mercy: ….**


	19. Chapter 19

******Tracer:** wait let me get this straight

 **Tracer:** this BOB omnic dude is here to get Hana and Brigitte

 **Tracer:** and he’s taking them for some crazy weird science fueled lesbian orgy.

 

 **Sombra:** usually it starts off more as a gang bang but then develops into an orgy

 **Sombra:** but yeah pretty much

 

 **Tracer:** WITHOUT ME?!?!

 

 **Sombra:** YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!

 

 **Emily:** BUT I WANT TO COME TOO!!

 

 **Sombra:** Uhg fine _@D.Va_

 

 **D.Va:** i’m down

 **D.Va:** i’ve wanted to get between those two for a while just couldn’t figure out how to ask

 **D.Va:** thoughts _@widowmaker_

 

 **Widowmaker:** my house my rules

 **Widowmaker:** and if they want to touch my babygirl i get to touch them first

 

 **Emily:** DEAL

 

 **Tracer:** DEAL

 

 **McCree:** i’m starting to wish my initial fear of BOB here to kill me was correct

 

 **Reinhardt:** so i’m not the only one uncomfortable?

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

****

**Lucio:**  i just feel abandoned

 

 **D.Va:** tbh i’d be down to fuck lucio too

 

 **Lucio:** wait what

 

 **Moira:** I suppose if you trust him we can take him to gauge male reactions to the hormones

 **Moira:**  but I would suggest restraints just in case

 

 **Widowmaker:** and the same rule applies to him as Lena and Emily

 

 **Lucio:** DEAL

 

 **Genji:** you trust me don’t you Hana

 

 **D.Va:** NO

 

 **Sombra:** FUCK OFF CYBORG BITCH

 

 **Widowmaker:** DO YOU WANT TO DIE AGAIN

 

 **Tracer:** STOP THAT TRAIN OF THOUGHT RIGHT NOW

 

 **Genji:** OH COME ON YOU TRUST BASTION AND BOB

 **Genji:** I’M PRACTICALLY AN OMNIC TO WTF

 

 **D.Va:** thats omnicist

 

 **Sombra:** plus it has nothing to do with you being an omnic you just talk too much

 

 **Bastion:** >:)

 

 **Genji:** and Lucio doesn’t talk to much

 

 **Emily:** nah Lucio respects women

 

 **Genji:** AND I DON’T?!

 

 **Reinhardt:** i wouldn’t say you respected them exactly

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

****

 

 **McCree:** not really

 

 **Lucio:** No

 

 **Roadhog:** from what i have seen you don’t

 

 **Junkrat:** NAH MATE

 

 **Zenyatta:** i thought i had taught you better Genji

 

 **Jack:** if your still anything like you were in Blackwatch then no you don’t respect women

 

 **Reaper:** he was worse in Blackwatch….

 

 **Hanzo:** probably not as bad as when we were boys

 

 **Genji:** I feel attacked

 

 **Tracer:** i fell like the fact that it was the other guys that called him out makes it better

 

 **D.Va:** if it makes you feel any better Genji I’d sooner fuck the hamster then you

 

 **Genji:** HOW WOULD THAT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Mercy:** What ze fuck iz going on?

 

**McCree:** Y’all broke Angela she's texting with an accent

 

**Genji:** your one to talk Clint Eastwood wannabe 

**Genji:** who the fuck uses YALL anymore

 

**McCree:** DON’T YOU DISRESPECT MY MAN CLINT

**McCree:** HE WAS A GOD AMONG MEN 

 

**Tracer:** welp if there was any doubt he was gay it has been cleared up

 

**Genji:** It also proves he has no taste in men

 

**McCree** : I’m dating your brother you idiot

 

**Genji:** Exactly my point

 

**Moria:** what do you find confusing @Mercy

 

**Mercy:** A lot actually

**Mercy:** like why you think you have the right to even @ me

 

**D.Va:** it’s quite simple really

**D.Va:** I’m part rabbit so I have an increased sex drive

**D.Va:** so in order to not go mad with need I gotta do the dirty

**D.Va:** but I kept wearing Sombra out 

**D.Va:** so then I started fucking Widowmaker too till I wore her out as well

**D.Va:** and it kinda just kept escalating till now were I fuck Brigitte, Yuna, Ashe, B.O.B., and bastion as well 

**D.Va:** like I said I’d probably fuck Hammond, but he’s asexual so he doesn’t have any  sexual feelings or associations

 

**Wrecking Ball:** plus I'm technically underage

 

**D.Va:** that too 

**D.Va:** But my obnoxious sexual drive isn’t the only thing

**D.Va:** my increased energy and my hops are just 2 examples

**D.Va:** another is I can understand Hammond without his mech 

 

**Moria:** in my opinion, her sex drive is just a side effect of all these other abilities

 

**Mercy sent a photo**

****

  
  


**Moria:** rude

 

**McCree:** LMFAO ANGELA MEMED 

 

**Genji:** we truly have broken her

 

**Roadhog:** I’d hate to interrupt but Rabbits don’t go into heat

 

**Mercy:** THEN WHY THE FUCK IS HANA SUPPOSEDLY GOING INTO HEAT @Moria

 

**Moria:** Because monkeys do

**Moria:** Us as humans evolved from monkeys so we still have some of their traits

 

**Winston:** I um…

**Winston:** I can confirm that monkeys go into heat…

 

**Mercy:** thanks Winston, I didn’t need to know that

 

**Reinhardt:** and I didn’t need that mental image

 

**Torbjörn sent a photo**

****

 

**Widowmaker:** can we get going already?

**Widowmaker:** you know how Ashe can get impatient

 

**Sombra:** are you sure you’re not the impatient one amiga?

 

 **Widowmaker:** I’m not as impatient as you

 

**McCree:** okay I’ve had enough

**McCree:** Does anyone know how to make holy water

 

**Reinhardt:** You boil the hell out of it

 

**Ana:** You boil the hell out of it

 

**Reinhardt:** (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

 

**Ana:** I regret my decisions 


	21. Chapter 21

**Moira:** Angela are you accompanying us to widowmakers mansion to monitor her vitals 

**Moira:** or am I going to have to do all the work myself as usual

 

**Sombra:** excuse you it’s probably a lot more work to satisfy her when she's in one of her moods

 

**Moira:** whatever

 

**Mercy:** let me grab some of MY equipment

**Mercy:** _ @Pharha  _ will you help me carry it

 

**Pharha:** of course 

 

**Moira:** I’ll have you know my equipment is just fine

 

**Mercy:** YOUR equipment is what got us into this mess

 

**Moira:** point taken

 

**D.Va:** is anyone else feeling hot?

**D.Va:** like hotter than usual

 

**Sombra:** no….

 

**Widowmaker:** I don’t really feel anything so

 

**Lucio:** you guys should probably go ahead and restrain me now

**Lucio:** I’m starting to feel pretty hot as well

 

**Moira:** HORMONES

 

**Sombra:** Shit

 

**Widowmaker** : Bastion hold him back while I get some rope

 

**Lucio:** i do’t know if yu need to panik yet i jus am findin it hard to focus on anything oter hana

 

**Moira:** her body is probably calling out for a mate right now before she goes into heat

 

**Sombra:** why am I not affected then? 

 

**Moira:** it could be simply because her body is calling out for a male 

**Moira:** it’s possible that her hormones will change to attract females as well if a male doesn’t come to her

**Moira:** Keep Her and the DJ apart for now and we’ll see

 

**Sombra:** okay

 

**Moira:** Angela if you want to come you best hurry up before her hormones start to affect other males

 

**McCree:** hat to bust you buble but it kida alredy spred a bit

 

**Reinhardt:** It hasn’t affected me and I’m sitting across from you

 

**Moira:** no offense but it could be your age 

**Moira:** but I suspect too much longer and her body will branch out more and you may be affected if we don’t leave soon

**Moira:** @Mercy

 

**Mercy:** we’re coming shesh

 

**Moira:** Hammond how do you feel

 

**Wrecking Ball:** I can smell the hormones coming off her but am unaffected by the scent

**Wrecking Ball:** for now at least 

**Wrecking Ball:** **** suspect that after it reaches out to all humans trying to summon a mate it may start reaching out to other species such as myself

**Wrecking Ball:** I will be fine tho I have an air filter and such built into my mech

 

**Reinhardt:** I believe i’m starting to be affected

 

**Jack:** Didn’t want to say anything but same

 

**Ana:** Jack your gay

 

**Jack:** i know thats why i didn’t want to say anything

 

**Mercy:** alright we’re here 

**Mercy:** let's get the fuck out of here before it becomes boys against girls protecting hana

 

**Mercy has left the group chat**

**Moira  has left the group chat**

**Sombra  has left the group chat**

**Bastion  has left the group chat**

**Wrecking Ball  has left the group chat**

**D.Va has left the group chat**

**Widowmaker has left the group chat**

**Tracer has left the group chat**

**Emily has left the group chat**

**Brigitte has left the group chat**

**Pharha has left the group chat**

**Lucio has left the group chat**

  
  


**Winston:** well seeing as half the members left does that mean it’ll be less hectic around here?

 

**Genji:** lol nope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone just so you all know I've made a second chat fic specific for the MEKA squad
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/17391683/chapters/40933373
> 
> These are not connected in anyway.... yet... IDK...


End file.
